So one must know them and the best of them!

Friendships: If there is any area in life where you should choose wisely, it would be your friendships. Numerous studies have shown that you become a byproduct of the people you surround yourself with. If you surround yourself with losers, then you’re well on your way to becoming one.  If you surround yourself with winners, then you’re on your way to becoming one. Another thing that you want to do is chose friends who reinforce your positive self image. There’s a big difference between friends who joke about you endearingly versus those who seem to get their rocks off by putting you down. If you have some toxic friends, it’s time to detox!

Careers: Making the choice between passion and practicality is something you really should take seriously in your career. I didn’t do it in my younger years and as a result my life was miserable in numerous ways. My health deteriorated, I was depressed, and I was always angry or anxiety ridden. A career takes up a significant part of your life, up to 65% of your day in many cases. If you hate what you do, then think about what kind of things you are going to attract into your life. The majority of your time, energy, and thoughts are being directed to your misery. It’s a simple application of the law of attraction at work.

Relationships: Your choice in relationships not only alters the quality of your life, but the quality of someone else’s. So, if you make a bad choice you run the risk of making two people’s lives miserable. Of course the opposite is true as well. If you make the right choice then you double the joy that goes out into the world and bring more of it back to you. Have you ever noticed how at the beginning of a relationship when you start dating somebody, everything seems too be perfect. You have a great time together and everything goes smoothly and you seem to be on a roll of attracting positive experiences into your life. Then, you stop getting along, and everything else goes to hell too. So, make sure you choose wisely.

Reactions: This is the most overlooked choice that one has! It has been said over and over that life is not about what happens to you, but how you react to what happens to you. Once we learn how to control our reactions to everything that happens we manage to achieve complete control over our lives. We are no longer impacted by circumstances and events because we are choosing our reactions.

In this article we will look into the steps you can take to become a more fun individual.

Be active. Are you having fun when you are sitting at a bench, looking down and not doing anything at all? In order to be fun to be with, you need to be active, to stand up, to be creative. Maybe do a “happy dance” when something good happens, take up a sport, or twirl around to cheer someone up. It works!

Be curious. Know what you’ll be doing later. If you get turned down or rejected, move on. You never know what’s going to happen until you try. Always try to seek out more knowledge or skill in an area that interests you. It will really improve your character. Go ride a bike past the local park or walk to the nearest local hangout spot because you never know who you’ll meet.

Dress funky. If you have a refined style and wish to keep it; try to experiment with brighter and more unique colors. It will make you stand out and seem like a more fun individual.

Make your next holiday an unusual one. Go to an exotic place and do things you would not normally do such as backpacking, climbing a mountain or going on a jungle safari. Or if you have never been on a “party-holiday”, this is a good option too.

Learn to Develop Yourself Socially and Don’t Be Afraid to Take Risks. Stepping outside your comfort zone will make you a much more interesting person. In addition, you may find some things about yourself that you never knew before.

Read, Read, Read. Read both fiction and non-fiction. Read magazines. Read your friend’s blogs. Read random people’s blogs that have taken the time to comment—they probably have something interesting to say. More importantly, read both for purpose and for pleasure.

Be positive and optimistic. Notice the “silverlining” in every situation. Positive people will be attracted by it and cynicism is a very conservative trait. Smile and laugh as often as you can.

List the people who have these traits and prioritize those you would like to spend time with. Remember that who you spend time with greatly affects how your personality develops.

Believe that you’re fun. Really believe in yourself and always tell yourself that you are fun. Think of your friends, even friends that are maybe not so fun, look at what they do that you like to see them do… then do it yourself . The deal is, when you tell yourself this you’ll start acting like it, after all you are what you believe you are.

Here is a fantastic info-graphic on the health risks of sitting, very informative!

So its time to get off your chair more often and move around!

Here are some tips based on research & studies.

What is metabolism? In the simplest terms, metabolic rate is the rate at which your body burns calories. Very few people have a fast metabolism, and overweight individuals generally have slow metabolisms. However, a faster metabolism will enable you to lose more weight than your friend, even if you both have the same activity level, diet, and weight.

Drink iced water. As with food, depriving your body of water can encourage it to “hoard” rather than “burn”. When your drink ice cold water, your body burns calories warming it to body temperature. More than ninety percent of the chemical reactions in your body occur in water, so make sure you drink an appropriate amount of water.

Exercise twice a day if possible. Do your vigorous workout in the morning, and then take a walk after dinner. This way you will continue to burn calories at a higher pace for almost the entire 24 hours.

Boost metabolism in the long run with weight training. Muscle burns more calories than fat does (73 more calories per kilogram per day, to be exact) so the more muscle you build, the higher your resting metabolic rate (RMR) will be. Every muscle cell that you gain is like a little factory that constantly burns calories for you, even while you sleep, and revs up when you exercise. This is the only way to increase RMR, which accounts for 60 to 70 percent of the calories you burn daily.

Eat Proper Meals. Never skip meals for the sake of weight loss. Skipping meals sends a signal to your body to lower the metabolism rate as there are fewer calories to burn. With a lower metabolism rate, your calories won’t burn, which will lead to fat accumulation and weight gain. Eating meals will increase your metabolism, thus preventing fat accumulation.

Time Your Meals. Eat five meals a day. When you eat a meal the metabolism rate is high for about four hours and then is slows down. To increase metabolism you need to eat five meals a day so that it keeps working and burning calories. Increasing metabolism rate also allows you lose weight without going in for a very difficult diet plan. Make sure you eat your meals within four hours of exercise. The metabolism rate in high at that time and thus burns most of the calories thus leading to weight loss.

You have to learn the little facial and body expressions that can help you distinguish a lie from the truth. Here are some steps and tips to do so.

1. Learn to recognize deflections. Usually when people are lying, they will tell stories that are true but are deliberately aimed at not answering the question you asked. If a person responds to the question “Did you ever hit your wife?” with an answer such as “I love my wife, why would I do that?”, the suspect is technically telling a truth, but they are avoiding answering your original question, which usually means they’re lying.
2. Mind exaggerated details. See if they are telling you too much, like “My mom is living in France, isn’t it nice there? Don’t you like the Eiffel tower? It’s so clean there.” Too many details may tip you off to their desperation to get you to believe them.
3. We have illustrators, and manipulators. Illustrators are a sign of telling the truth, this is when you are using your hand gestures to talk. moving your hands while you are talking is a sign of telling the truth. We also have manipulators. These, are the opposite of illustrators. An example of a manipulator can be playing with your wrist-watch, your jewelry, pulling on your ear lobe, etc. People who behave this way tend to be hiding something. The last, commonly unknown sign of hiding something is reptile tissue, most people have a reptile tissue in their nose, and it itches when you’re hiding something. But, before you assume that the person is hiding something, please establish a base line.
4. Base Line: A base line is what someone acts like when they are not lying. You have to get a base line before you proceed with anything. Imagine you have a itch on your nose ever since you got out of bed. And someone thinks you are hiding something because you scratch your nose when answering a question…oops. What the person should have done is establish a baseline. To establish a baseline, you need to see the person when they aren’t lying. Try asking what their name is, and what they do for a living.
5. Look out for micro-expressions. Micro-expressions are split second facial expressions that flash on a person’s face for a less than a 25th of a second and reveal the person’s true emotion underneath their facade. Some people may be naturally sensitive to them, but almost anybody can easily train to be able to detect microexpressions. Put focus to the upper and lower eyelids, the corner of the eyes, the mouth and the muscles surrounding the mouth, the eyebrows and forehead.
6. Shaking hands… When you meet the person who you think is deceiving you, shake their hand. Take note of the temperature. When you are sure they are lying to you, pretend to be leaving and quickly grab their hand for a “Good-Bye” Handshake. If the temperature is colder, they are fearful.
7. Notice the person’s eye movements. Contrary to popular belief, a liar does not always avoid eye contact. Humans naturally break eye contact and look at non-moving objects to help them focus and remember. Liars may deliberately make eye contact to seem more sincere. You can usually tell if a person is remembering something or making something up based on their eye’s movements. When someone is remembering details, their eyes move to the right (your right). When someone is making something up, their eyes move to the left. It’s usually reversed for lefties. (although not always true.)
8. Be aware of their emotional responses
   • Timing and duration tends to be off when someone is lying. If you ask someone a question and they respond directly after the question, there is a chance that the person is lying. This can be because they have rehearsed the answer, or they’re already thinking about the answer just to get it over with and move forward. A delayed answer can be a sign of lying. To tell the truth takes 2 parts of your brain at most, however to lie takes 6 parts of your brain. If the person has a long story then you can ask them to tell it backwards. Liars have trouble telling stories backwards, because in their mind they have rehearsed it forwards, but not backwards. And, as with smiling, facial expressions of a poor liar will be limited to the mouth area.
   • Pay close attention to the person’s reaction to your questions. A liar will often feel uncomfortable and turn their head or body away, or even subconsciously put an object between the two of you. Also, while an innocent person would go on the offensive (usually responding with anger, which will usually be revealed in a microexpression directly after you say you don’t believe them), a guilty person will often go immediately on the defensive (usually by saying something to reassure their facts, such as deflections).
9. Listen for a subtle delay in responses to questions. An honest answer comes quickly from memory. Lies require a quick mental review of what they have told others to avoid inconsistency and to make up new details as needed. However, when people look up to remember things, it does not necessarily mean that they are lying.
10. Be conscious of their usage of words. Verbal expression can give many clues as to whether a person is lying, such as:
    • Using/repeating your own exact words when answering a question
    • Not using contractions
    • Avoiding direct statements or answers (deflections)
    • Speaking excessively in an effort to convince
    • Speaking in a monotonous tone
    • Speaking in muddled sentences
    • Vocal pitch rising
    • Using classic qualifiers such as “I’m only going to say this once…”
    • Using humor and sarcasm to avoid the subject
    • Using Deflections (beating around the bush, not answering the question.)
11. Allow silence to enter the conversation.
    • If they’re lying, they will become uncomfortable if you stare at them for a while with a look of disbelief. If they’re telling the truth, they will usually become angry or just frustrated (lips pressed together, brows down, upper eyelid tensed and pulled down to glare).
12. Change the subject quickly. While an innocent person would be confused by the sudden shift in the conversation and may try to return to the previous subject, a liar will be relieved and welcome the change. You may see the person become more relaxed and less defensive.
13. Watch his or her throat. A person may constantly be either trying to lubricate their throat when he/she lies by swallowing or clearing their throat to relieve the tension built up. A person’s voice can also be a good lie indicator; they may suddenly start talking faster or slower than normal, or their tension may result in a higher-pitched speaking tone. See baseline info
14. Check the facts. If you have the means, check the validity of what the liar is saying. A skilled liar might give some reason why you shouldn’t talk to the person who could confirm or deny a story. Perhaps the liar will infer that the person is particularly favourable towards the liar, or that the person would have little time for you. These are probably lies themselves, so might be worthwhile overcoming your reluctance and to check with the person you’ve been warned against.
15. Judge the character. Most people tell the truth most of the time, and will cherish their reputation. Liars will ‘sail close to the wind’ – they’ll artificially bolster their reputation so that they seem more credible or desirable than they actually are.
    • If you overhear a version of an anecdote that seems wrong, listen to those alarm bells – it might be a liar.
    • If someone takes the time out to ingratiate themselves with you out of the blue, it’s very flattering, but you have to ask, why are they doing that?
    • If John rubbishes or smears people more than normal, John is possibly putting in the groundwork so the audience are more receptive to John, and less receptive to the people who John has lied to – they’re discredited before they can say ‘John is a liar’.

Note -

• Some people are extremely experienced or even professional liars. He or she has told their made up story so many times that they are actually believable, getting all their days, dates and times down perfectly! Sometimes, you may need to simply accept that you can’t catch every lie all the time.
• If you do catch a lie, don’t reveal it to the liar; they will just adjust their story. Once you know one thing that is not true, you can use it to find more of the net of lies, and other nets of lies. Then decide which points you reveal and to whom.

Forget about the energy drinks or pills. Learn to increase your energy naturally, and have a healthy steady supply to get you through each day. By adjusting your personal eating, sleeping and exercise habits, you can boost your energy the natural way and settle into a self-sustaining rhythm.

Essential Water – Keep your body hydrated throughout the day. The first sign of dehydration is fatigue. Your body can’t function at capacity without that good old H2O. A steady supply of water will naturally keep things flowing–including your energy.

Improve Sleeping Habits – Often a small adjustment of your sleeping habits can already do wonders for your energy levels.

• Lying in bed is not sleeping: Don’t go to bed if your not sleepy and end up lying in bed pondering and stressing.  If you are drifting off at the computer, while reading, or watching TV, it’s time to get to bed. Your bedtime should and will vary from night to night. Let your body tell you when to sleep as opposed to the following the 8-hour rule.
• Rise and Shine: Put an alarm and get up at the same time everyday.
• Sleepy at Noon?: Try a powernap of 20 minutes in a quiet place.

Experiment and find out what your optimal sleep levels are.

Yoga, Exercising & Stretching – It sounds counter-intuitive, perhaps, but by expending energy on a regular basis, you will actually give yourself more of it in the end. The key is to set up a fairly regular schedule–about three times a week–and push to the point that you feel refreshed, not exhausted. Don’t overdo it. It may take a couple of weeks to get into the natural rhythm, so have patience and higher energy levels will follow.

Deep breathing exercise – Another great way to re-energize your body is with a quick deep breathing exercise. Sit on a chair with a straight back and breathe deeply while you focus on your breath going in – going out. At the same time use a powerful affirmation to invigorate your mind and body.

Eliminate Energy-Sappers From Your Diet – Have more alkaline-forming foods like fruits and vegetables. Avoid excess sugar and coffee as they lead to lower blood sugar levels–and less energy–after they give you an initial kick. Also one could pack some almonds and nuts for a quick and convenient protein snack.

Eye exercising will keep your eyes healthy and help minimize eyestrain. Here are some easy to follow steps and tips to exercise your eyes and keep them healthy!

• Palming Exercise - Sit comfortably on a chair. Rub your hands together until they feel warm. Close your eyes and cover them lightly with your cupped palms. Avoid applying pressure on your eyeballs. Place your palms so that the nose remains uncovered, and the eyes remain behind the slight hollow of the palms. Make sure that no light rays enter the eyes, and leave no gaps between fingers or between the edge of the palms and the nose. You may still see other lingering traces of colors. Imagine deep blackness and focus on the blackness. Take deep breaths slowly and evenly, while thinking of some happy incident; or visualize a distant scene. After your eyes see nothing but blackness, remove your palms from your eyes. Repeat the palming for 3 minutes or more.
• Close your eyes tightly for 3-5 seconds, then open them for 3-5 seconds. Repeat this 7 or 8 times.
• Close your eyes and massage them with circular movements of your fingers for 1-2 minutes. Make sure you press very lightly; otherwise, you could hurt your eyes.
• Press three fingers of each hand against your upper eyelids, and hold them there for 1-2 seconds, then release. Repeat 5 times.
• Sit and relax. Roll your eyes clockwise, then counter-clockwise. Repeat 5 times, and blink in between each time.
• Focusing Exercises – Sit about 6 inches (150 mm) from the window. Make a mark on the glass at your eye level (a small sticker, black or red, would be perfect). Look through this mark and focus on something far away for 10-15 seconds; then focus on the mark again.
• Hold a pencil in front of you at arm’s length. Move your arm slowly to your nose, and follow the pencil with your eyes until you can keep it in focus. Repeat 10 times.
• Look in front of you at the opposite wall and pretend that you are writing with your eyes, without turning your head. It may seem difficult at first, but with a bit of practice it is really fun. The bigger the letters, the better the effect.
• Imagine that you are standing in front of a really big clock. Look at the middle of the clock. Then look at any hour mark, without turning your head. Look back at the center. Then look at another hour mark. Do this at least 12 times. You can also do this exercise with your eyes closed.
• Focus on a distant object (over 150 feet or 50 m away) for several seconds and slowly refocus your eyes on a nearby object (less than 30 feet or 10 m away) that’s in the same direction. Focus for several seconds and go back to the distant object. Do this 5 times.
• Focus on an object in the distance (as far as possible) with a low contrasting background. Do this for a few minutes every half hour or so. This does not improve your vision, nor does any other technique. It can, however, maintain your best eyesight level during the day and prevent significant further vision deterioration.
• Make up and down eye movements starting from up to to down. Do this 8 times. Then do the side to side eye movement, starting from left to right. Repeat this 8 times. Make sure not to add pressure to your eyes! It only worsen your vision!

Tips

• It’s more important to do the exercises regularly than to do them for a long time. Even 30-60 seconds of eye movement every hour is very helpful. For example, when your computer takes its sweet time to do something, most people just stare at the poor thing and waste the time, but you can make a few circles with your eyes. Even the first day you do this, you should notice that, when you finish working, your eyes aren’t as tired as usual.
• Taking short breaks from near work (e.g. staring at a computer monitor) to stare out to the distance also relieves some strain.
• Palming is a good method to help your eyes feel better. You close your eyes and put your palms over them, this will rest your eyes.
• Blink the eyes many times.
• Splash your eyes with cold water repeatedly when feasible, and especially when your eyes are strained.

How to Negotiate like a Pro!

Whether it’s buying a house, getting the best business deal, disputing your cell phone bill, haggling in a shop, or paying off your credit card, the basic principles of negotiation are the same. Just remember that even the most skilled and experienced negotiators will feel discomfort when negotiating. The only difference is a skilled negotiator has learned to recognize, and suppress the outward signs of these feelings.

Here are some useful steps, tips and warnings on how to negotiate like a pro!

Steps

1. Decide on your breakpoint (the lowest amount or cheapest price you will accept in the deal, the “worst-case scenario”).
   • If you are representing someone else in a negotiation, get your client’s agreement in writing to a target deal before hand. Otherwise, when you get them a great deal, they may decide they don’t like it after all. Your credibility is the one that takes the hit.
2. Know what you’re worth. How much does the other party need you? Is what you’re offering hard to come by, or a dime a dozen? How desperate are they? Who needs who more? And if you need them more than they need you, how can you give yourself an edge?
3. Plan how you will move in your proposals. Your moves should be in ever-decreasing steps, which will give the impression that you are being “bled” and there is increasingly less bargaining range to be had.
4. Open extreme. Open at your maximum sustainable position (the most you can logically argue for). Ask for what you want, and then some. When starting off a negotiation, don’t be scared to make an outrageous request. You never know–you might get it! And what’s the worst that could happen? They might think you’re vain, or delusional; but they’ll also know you have guts, and you value yourself, your time, and your money. Are you worried about insulting them, especially if making a very low offer to buy something? Remember that this is business, and if they don’t like your offer, then can always counter-offer. Just be bold. If your opening offer is too close to your breakpoint, then you will not have enough bargaining range to concede to the other party as a way of giving satisfaction.
5. Offer or request extras. What else can they give you that is of low value to them, and high value to you? Or what can you offer that is of low value to you, and high value to them? This is why retail stores offer employee discounts. Think along the lines of bartering, andbe creative . What do you have a lot of, or what can you offer with ease, that they would find valuable? Make a list of your skills and your stuff. Calculate how much they cost you, then find out how much they sell for.
6. Research their costs (retail versus wholesale). Let’s say you’re doing business with a winery, for instance, and they want to pay you 5000 to perform there. You want 7500. Why not suggest that they pay you 5000 and give you a 3500 bottle of wine? It’s worth 3500 bucks to you because that’s how much you’d have to pay to buy it, but it costs them much less to produce that bottle. (This is, of course, assuming you like their wine!) Or, you can ask them for a 5% or 10% discount on all their wine. Presuming you buy wine regularly anyway, you’ll save money, and they’ll still make money from your purchases (just not as much).
7. Offer to pay up front. An up front payment is always desirable to a seller, especially in situations where most people do not pay up front (such as car dealerships). As the buyer, you can also offer to buy in bulk, paying in advance for a certain number of products or services, in exchange for a discount. One tactic is to come into the negotiation with a pre-written check; ask to buy the product or service for that amount, and tell them that’s your final offer. They may accept it, since the lure of an immediate payment is hard to resist. Finally, paying in cash rather than with a check or credit card, can be a useful negotiation tool because it reduces risk & transaction cost to the seller.
8. Shop around, and bring proof. If you are buying a car and you know the other dealer will sell you the same car for $200 less, tell them so. Tell them the name of the dealer and salesman. If you’renegotiating a salary and you’ve researched how much people in equivalent positions get paid in your area, print out those statistics and have them handy.
9. Always hold back a closer or two: One or two facts or arguments you can use when you sense the other side is close to a deal but needs that final push. If you are a broker and your client is going to buy this week whether this seller is willing or not, that is a great deal closer.
10. Be ready to walk away. You know what your breakpoint is, and you know if that’s not what you’re getting. Be willing to walk out the door if that’s the case. You might find that the other party will call you back, but you should feel happy with your efforts if they don’t.

Tips

• If they surprise you with a very appealing offer, don’t let on that you expected something less favorable.
• Preparation is 90% of negotiation. Gather as much information about the deal as you possibly can, evaluate all the key variables, and understand which concessions you can trade.
• Even when you are unsure, speak with authority, speaking louder than usual and giving the impression that you have done this many times before will close deals with people who are not experienced.
• Avoid soft exposing language when making your proposal. E.g. “the price is -about- £100″ or “I’m looking for £100″. Be firm in your proposals – “the price is £100″ or “I’ll give you £100″

Warnings

• Never talk about their figure or price, as this subconsciously validates it- always talk about your figure instead.
• Acrimony is a deal killer. People will refuse deals just because they are pissed. This is why divorces drag on for years. Avoid hostility at all costs. Even if there has been hostility in the past, start each contact upbeat, positive, don’t hold a grudge.
• Watch your body language – a skilled negotiator will pick up on non-verbal signals which may give away your true feelings.
• Never negotiate after receiving an unscheduled phone call. They’re ready but you are not. State that you are not currently able to talk and ask to reschedule. This will give you time to plan ahead about responses to questions and to perform simple research.
• If someone is totally unreasonable, don’t negotiate. Tell them to keep you in mind if they come down in price (or whatever). Negotiating when they are way out of line starts you out at way too weak a position.

We spend a lot of time trying to find ways to be more productive. To do things faster, better, cheaper and spend our time more effectively. But instead of just doing more in less time, maybe we should focus on actually enjoying the work we’re doing instead.

Here are 8 ways to make work seem like less of a chore and more like a gift:

1. Follow your natural rhythms. A lot of the time I resent working is because I’m trying to force myself to do something I don’t feel like doing. Naturally there will always be some things you’re not crazy about doing (like cleaning the toilet). But how often do you force yourself to work more, when you really want to relax? When you force yourself to work when you’ve promised yourself a break, you’ll likely just end up distracting yourself with other things and put off working. Then you get stressed and end up resenting work. Instead, follow your natural rhythms. When you feel like working, work. When you don’t, don’t. Don’t over complicate things.
2. Do, don’t think. I’m going to stay true to this point and not think about writing something elaborate. Just do, stop thinking about it. Fail, make corrections later.
3. Don’t put sugar in your tank. You wouldn’t put sugar in your gas tank right? It doesn’t make much sense to fill your body up with unhealthy fuel either. If you don’t have the energy to get the work you need to done, work will feel forced.
4. Remove hidden roadblocks. What’s making you avoid working? What’s making your work seem like drudgery rather than joyful? It might have something to do with your beliefs about yourself. Maybe you believe you’re not good enough, smart enough or don’t have enough experience. Question your beliefs about what you can and can’t do.
5. Only do your best. Work can easily become a chore when you’re trying to constantly be perfect. The truth is, some of your ideas might not be so great. Others will be mind blowing. If you can accept that and just do your best, you stop judging yourself. Guess what it feels like when you’re no longer picking over everything you do with a fine toothed comb? It feels extremely liberating. It feels like you can actually enjoy your experience, rather than worrying about how everything is going to turn out. That is working effortlessly.
6. Act from your gut. When you think you have a great idea, believe it. Follow it. Chase it until you’re out of breath and can barely hold yourself up. Because if you don’t trust yourself, you’ll regret it later. The best way to live is to follow your intuition and trust life. If nothing else, trust yourself. Because if you can’t trust yourself, how can you trust your mistrust? That’s not very smart is it?
7. Focus on what matters. Our minds are constantly pulling us in different directions. We have to wash the cat, buy more apple cinnamon oatmeal, finish writing that resignation letter to your no-longer-boss at your dead-end job, and all sorts of other things. We have a tendency to follow what’s urgent instead of what’s important. In order to get the important things done, we have to be ruthless at removing distractions. If it takes bringing a laptop (or notepad) to a cafe to write your grandiose novel, then do that.  Avoid the vacuum of minutiae urgency. Remove all distractions so you can focus on the important things. I would much rather spend 4 hours working on an important project, then 4 hours spinning my wheels and scratching my head trying to figure out what I did today.
8. Refuse to do what you don’t want to do. I often avoid working because I’m trying to do things I think I “should do.” I think I should read more because it will make me smarter. I think I should buy new clothes because it will make me cooler. I think I should work on this project because it will be good for my resume. Forget what you think you should do (except maybe… paying your rent). Do what you want to do. Other people will understand. In fact, they’ll probably envy you.

The way to overcome negative thoughts and destructive emotions is to develop opposing, positive emotions that are stronger and more powerful.” – Dalai Lama

Life could be so much better for many people, if they would just spot their negative thinking habits and replace them with positive ones.

Negative thinking, in all its many-splendored forms, has a way of creeping into conversations and our thinking without our noticing them. The key to success, in my humble opinion, is learning to spot these thoughts and squash them like little bugs. Then replace them with positive ones. You’ll notice a huge difference in everything you do.

Let’s take a look at 10 common ways that negative thinking emerges — get good at spotting these patterns, and practice replacing them with positive thinking patterns. It has made all the difference in the world for me.

10 Deadly Sins of Negative Thinking

1. I will be happy once I have _____ (or once I earn X).

Problem: If you think you can’t be happy until you reach a certain point, or until you reach a certain income, or have a certain type of house or car or computer setup, you’ll never be happy. That elusive goal is always just out of reach. Once we reach those goals, we are not satisfied — we want more.

Solution: Learn to be happy with what you have, where you are, and who you are, right at this moment. Happiness doesn’t have to be some state that we want to get to eventually — it can be found right now. Learn to count your blessings, and see the positive in your situation. This might sound simplistic, but it works.
2. I wish I were as ____ as (a celebrity, friend, co-worker).

Problem: We’ll never be as pretty, as talented, as rich, as sculpted, as cool, as everyone else. There will always be someone better, if you look hard enough. Therefore, if we compare ourselves to others like this, we will always pale, and will always fail, and will always feel bad about ourselves. This is no way to be happy.

Solution: Stop comparing yourself to others, and look instead at yourself — what are your strengths, your accomplishments, your successes, however small? What do you love about yourself? Learn to love who you are, right now, not who you want to become. There is good in each of us, love in each of us, and a wonderful human spirit in every one of us.

3. Seeing others becoming successful makes me jealous and resentful.

Problem: First, this assumes that only a small number of people can be successful. In truth, many, many people can be successful — in different ways.

Solution: Learn to admire the success of others, and learn from it, and be happy for them, by empathizing with them and understanding what it must be like to be them. And then turn away from them, and look at yourself — you can be successful too, in whatever you choose to do. And even more, you already are successful. Look not at those above you in the social ladder, but those below you — there are always millions of people worse off than you, people who couldn’t even read this article or afford a computer. In that light, you are a huge success.

4. I am a miserable failure — I can’t seem to do anything right.

Problem: Everyone is a failure, if you look at it in certain ways. Everyone has failed, many times, at different things. I have certainly failed so many times I cannot count them — and I continue to fail, daily. However, looking at your failures as failures only makes you feel bad about yourself. By thinking in this way, we will have a negative self-image and never move on from here.

Solution: See your successes and ignore your failures. Look back on your life, in the last month, or year, or 5 years. And try to remember your successes. If you have trouble with this, start documenting them — keep a success journal, either in a notebook or online. Document your success each day, or each week. When you look back at what you’ve accomplished, over a year, you will be amazed. It’s an incredibly positive feeling.

5. I’m going to beat so-and-so no matter what — I’m better than him. And there’s no way I’ll help him succeed — he might beat me.

Problem: Competitiveness assumes that there is a small amount of gold to be had, and I need to get it before he does. It makes us into greedy, back-stabbing, hurtful people. We try to claw our way over people to get to success, because of our competitive feelings. For example, if a blogger wants to have more subscribers than another blogger, he may never link to or mention that other blogger. However, who is to say that my subscribers can’t also be yours? People can read and subscribe to more than one blog.

Solution: Learn to see success as something that can be shared, and learn that if we help each other out, we can each have a better chance to be successful. Two people working towards a common goal are better than two people trying to beat each other up to get to that goal. There is more than enough success to go around. Learn to think in terms of abundance rather than scarcity.

6. Dammit! Why do these bad things always happen to me?

Problem: Bad things happen to everybody. If we dwell on them, they will frustrate us and bring us down.

Solution: See bad things as a part of the ebb and flow of life. Suffering is a part of the human condition — but it passes. All pain goes away, eventually. Meanwhile, don’t let it hold you back. Don’t dwell on bad things, but look forward towards something good in your future. And learn to take the bad things in stride, and learn from them. Bad things are actually opportunities to grow and learn and get stronger, in disguise.

7. You can’t do anything right! Why can’t you be like ____ ?

Problem: This can be said to your child or your subordinate or your sibling. The problem? Comparing two people, first of all, is always a fallacy. People are different, with different ways of doing things, different strengths and weaknesses, different human characteristics. If we were all the same, we’d be robots. Second, saying negative things like this to another person never helps the situation. It might make you feel better, and more powerful, but in truth, it hurts your relationship, it will actually make you feel negative, and it will certainly make the other person feel negative and more likely to continue negative behavior. Everyone loses.

Solution: Take the mistakes or bad behavior of others as an opportunity to teach. Show them how to do something. Second, praise them for their positive behavior, and encourage their success. Last, and most important, love them for who they are, and celebrate their differences.

8. Your work sucks. It’s super lame. You are a moron and I hope you never reproduce.

Problem: I’ve actually gotten this comment before. It feels wonderful. However, let’s look at it not from the perspective of the person receiving this kind of comment but from the perspective of the person giving it. How does saying something negative like this help you? I guess it might feel good to vent if you feel like your time has been wasted. But really, how much of your time has been wasted? A few minutes? And whose fault is that? The bloggers or yours? In truth, making negative comments just keeps you in a negative mindset. It’s also not a good way to make friends.

Solution: Learn to offer constructive solutions, first of all. Instead of telling someone their blog sucks, or that a post is lame, offer some specific suggestions for improvement. Help them get better. If you are going to take the time to make a comment, make it worth your time. Second, learn to interact with people in a more positive way — it makes others feel good and it makes you feel better about yourself. And you can make some great friends this way. That’s a good thing.

9. Insulting People Back

Problem: If someone insults you or angers you in some way, insulting them back and continuing your anger only transfers their problem to you. This person was probably having a bad day (or a bad year) and took it out on you for some reason. If you reciprocate, you are now having a bad day too. His problem has become yours. Not only that, but the cycle of insults can get worse and worse until it results in violence or other negative consequences — for both of you.

Solution: Let the insults or negative comments of others slide off you like Teflon. Don’t let their problem become yours. In fact, try to understand their problem more — why would someone say something like that? What problems are they going through? Having a little empathy for someone not only makes you understand that their comment is not about you, but it can make you feel and act in a positive manner towards them — and make you feel better about yourself in the process.

10. I don’t think I can do this — I don’t have enough discipline. Maybe some other time.

Problem: If you don’t think you can do something, you probably won’t. Especially for the big stuff. Discipline has nothing to do with it — motivation and focus has everything to do with it. And if you put stuff off for “some other time”, you’ll never get it done. Negative thinking like this inhibits us from accomplishing anything.

Solution: Turn your thinking around: you can do this! You don’t need discipline. Find ways to make yourself a success at your goal. If you fail, learn from your mistakes, and try again. Instead of putting a goal off for later, start now. And focus on one goal at a time, putting all of your energy into it, and getting as much help from others as you can. You can really move mountains if you start with positive thinking.